Now that’s a big noggin

Hank Aaron. Babe Ruth. Barry Bonds. He's got a good name. He's got a great swing. He's an asshole. If only Barry Bonds could learn a few things from his predecessors, maybe the world would have a different attitude towards him.

I admit I didn't know much about Ruth besides his legend until my son did a book report on him. I had no idea the work (and money) Ruth put in to help underpriveleged children. He took it upon himself to help the school he went to as a boy and almost singlehandedly paid to have it rebuilt when it was destroyed by fire. Sure the guy knew how to party, and he did that very well too, but he recognized the role he had. He didn't have to sign autographs but he did…always. He especially didn't have to like the media. We all know about NY and it's infamous media, but Ruth embraced them. It's hard to write something bad about a guy who just bought you dinner and all the drinks you can handle.

Maybe Barry could learn something? If he could just stop with the mood swings and answer a few questions civilly (oh wait, aren't mood swings a symptom of something…) maybe the writers would be more inclined to attribute his back pimples as "oily skin" or the size of his freakin head as "maturity". Come on, lots of people put on 80+ pounds after they turn 35 but it's usually not in your freakin head! Just quit being a jerk, and start kissing some media ass you moron. Just because the SF media gloss over your inablity to make a catch in the outfield, doesn't mean no one noticed. The fans deserve more. 714 is a HUGE number. It's also a huge responsibility. We all know the clear and the cream wasn't a mistake, and it was done with full knowledge of the repercussions. It's a tough game, and it's incredibly tough to perform at that level for that long. But let's get serious. The fans aren't complete idiots, at least not ALL of them.

Crackberry

Now I get it. The BlackBerry prayer. Most of us have laughed at the ubergeeks with their BlackBerry's checking their email at all times and in all places. I mean, who cares about their email when they're out on a hike or watching a hockey game? It's all about trying to be important, those of us have-nots like to say. Look at that guy, he thinks he's so cool.

Come to find out, he is cool. The blackberry is surprisingly functional. I've just received my first one, a Verizon 7130e. It's complete with tethering option to become a full-fledged broadband modem for my laptop. Yep, broadband. Well, in certain select cities… Still, it has Internet access and email. Oh yeah, it's also a phone. But really who cares if it's a phone? Well I do for one. When the first PDA phones came out, you'd see people holding what appeared to be books to their head and talking. At least the bluetooth headset came along. Now the 7130e actually is close to a phone in looks as well as function. Maybe it's missing voice activated dialing, but let's not get too picky.

So why would your average user need to check their email before they go to bed, on the way to work, and pretty much everywhere else? Well, they don't. But they still will with one of these babies. There's some kind of strange euphoria when you can delete spam from the parking lot of your work before you go in. You KNOW your inbox will be clean so you can go get that cup of coffee first.

It's an addiction, no doubt about it. It's also one of the first ones to get it right.

Take a load off…

This blog is written by a guest writer, "The Juggler".
Take a load off…

I had to do a bit of quick web research last night, which resulted in some surprising results. At the risk of alienating some people (but only the irresponsible ones), I’m going to share a bit of wisdom.

Here's my wacky little suggestion: PICK UP AFTER YOUR #%&*@# DOG! 

We live next to a huge park with an equally-huge, specifically-designed dog area.  And let me be specific… we’re not talking a concrete dog-run here… this little “dog area” is double gated with multiple fenced-off grassed areas and a HUGE circular dog-run complete with wading pools, fake fire hydrants, tunnels and hills, all surrounded by a little sidewalk with shaded benches. It's basically the equivalent of McDonald's playland for dogs.  I believe there are even dispensers of little plastic bags to make it ALL too convenient to – pardon the pun – pick up your sh*t. 

Which brings me to the point…

I love dogs as much as the next guy… but with all this doggy splendor, I find myself now dodging little (and big) doggie droppings all around the park- from the HUMAN footpath around the soccer field to every surrounding grassy area in the park- including the greenbelt pathway along the small river and most recently…my front yard. 

That’s where I really draw the line.

 Come on people… I suppose you don't want to be stepping in it yourself or trying to make the dead spots grow in your own yard?  Nice.

I've fantasized about what I would do in catching one of these irresponsible asshats letting fido or fluffy drop a load on the footpath (and not NEAR the footpath… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONCRETE FOOTPATH).  Would I chicken out and pretend I didn’t’ notice? Would I stop and tell them exactly where they could put that stuff?  Would I follow them home and ring the bell, happily returning the steaming belongings they must have "dropped" in the park? 

As I sat by my front window on sentry duty last night, I searched online for solutions.  I've got to say, they ranged from the worst revenge (a band of neighbors who saved another's dog's droppings in a water-filled bucket for a week and gave them back to her all in one, big, messy, stinking night) to the homicidal (shoot the dog, shot the owner, shoot both) to the crazy (catapults, "potato" guns, and dog laxatives) and finally the humane and sensible (actual products that repel dogs, and some easily homemade concoctions).

As I flung the front-yard droppings and plenty of expletives into the garbage, I dreamed of crazy revenge; but, in the end, I think I may opt for trying some of the cayenne-based potions.  Either that, or I'm going to follow you home and God help me, I’m going to do on your lawn what your dog did to mine.

You drop it, you pick it up… or I’m going to help you learn some manners.

Tom Cruise – Mission Moron

Obviously I think Scientology is a cult. 

http://jeepers.wordpress.com/2006/04/18/sciencetology/

Or at least a feeble attempt at Greek Society outside of college maybe?  Anyway, Tom Cruise has got to be the biggest moron of the group.  It's really too bad because Risky Business was good.  Clearly before the Scientology thing.  Anyway, he has had his new baby with his prisoner/wife.  Unfortunately his corrupted mind couldn't quite figure out the meaning of her name.

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/410817p-347450c.html

It's hard to believe I'm saying this but let's hope Suri gets Katie's intelligence…

Please step away from the mouse.

When you call me for technical support, please listen. There is nothing worse than me walking you through whatever process we happen to be talking about and you not giving me all the information, or just randomly clicking like a spastic colon. I particularly get annoyed when I ask what the prompt currently says and you pick and choose which words to tell me. Granted you're not technically lying, but when you read "THANK YOU for deleting all of your system files. PLEASE CLICK OK to permanently remove them" as "Thank you. Please Click OK." I'm screwed. Now YOU have hosed your computer and you're going to blame ME. Also, when I say click on the download button and you click 15-20 times on any random link on the page, it's not OK. It truly sucks. I really try to have patience, but if you're too stupid to work a computer my patience isn't going to help.

I guess it's hard to justify asking you to be sensible when you're paying me, and you're right. After all the more you screw up the more money I make. I just need to try to get over changing attitudes and just keep cashing the checks.