Yeah, not exactly.  So this is what happens when you bring back your “superstar” from an “injury” huh?  I really used to like Boozer.  I mean who wouldn’t want a Utah jersey with Boozer on the back???  I know I would!  But his injury was a freaking joke, then he brings the teams defense down to his level.  The best thing that can happen is to opt out of the contract Carlos.

Carlos aside, there is no chance the Jazz beat the Lakers.  All they needed was one more win and they could have played the Nuggets.  Maybe this is for the best as no one expects them to win?  And all of those lucky fans get to see Kobe at the ESA.  Speaking of, I hate Laker fans.  No real reason, just do.  Sort of like Steeler fans.  Any idiot can root for a winner, but it takes a MAN to root for a loser.  Believe me, I know…

News flash!  The Browns Suck!  Oh, that’s right, they always suck. 

Years ago, there was a young fella named Tim Couch.  All the potential in the world thrown behind an awful offensive line.  So everyone wanted the backup, Kelly Holcomb to play.  Well, Timmy got injured so Holcomb was going in…and the crowd cheered while Timmy was laying on the field.  It’s rough in that stadium sure, and drunk, but you’d think people would cheer Kelly, not boo Tim.  The good news is that all of those loyal Dawg fans learned their lesson and would continue to root and support their team in a positive way.

Up until Sunday afternoon.  Derek Anderson, who happens to suck also, was laying there on the field clutching his knee when those loyal fans started cheering.  I’m pretty sure they weren’t cheering for Dorsey.  Now I know as much as the next Browns fan that Quinn is going to be the guy.  For good or bad, it’s going to be his team, but can anyone actually cheer finishing this season with Dorsey at the helm?  The guy was a college stud but so was Ryan Leaf.  He’s a great third quarterback and Derek is a good second quarterback.  Who would you rather have on the field???

I wonder how long it will be before Quinn wakes up on the field to hear the crowd cheering?  Hopefully a very, very long time.

I didn’t think I liked Prince.  I KNOW I didn’t like him when Purple Rain was new.  I actually went to the drive-in theater to see it.  I didn’t see it.  I don’t think I missed anything.  The dude is a tad overboard you know?  He’s like a little Little Richard.  Oddly enough I like Little Richard…  The funny thing is I really liked his halftime show at XLI.  A lot.

His guitar playing has improved over the years.  He used to just try to make as much noise as possible, where now he used the same techniques as an advantage not a distraction.  It doesn’t hurt that he picked a couple of good tunes to play.  Twin dancers doesn’t hurt either, although as soon as I saw the woman in the white cape run by, the first thing to run through my mind was “FREAK!”.  Then she sang.  I love when semi-talented musicians have enough confidence to surround themselves with talented musicians.  It deflates the ego balloon.

Now I find out some people are outraged.  WTF?  They think his shadow cast on the billowing sheet was phallic.  Well let me tell you something, a guitar hanging around waist level is phallic all by itself.  Jimi took the guitar as phallus to a new level.   I think people need to shut up.  I know that’s easier said than done with our so called “freedom of speech”, but give me a freaking break.  I’ll be honest, I didn’t mind seeing Janet Jacksons strangely shaped breast either.  Let’s try to focus on real issues and quit whining about things that don’t matter.  Let’s leave all 5′2″ of Prince alone, he needs all the help he can get.  Now if you don’t mind I’m going to party like it’s 1999.

So my boy Tom Cruise is being called Jesus. What a freaking joke. It’s pretty obvious that my short stint at Scientology for Sex left me a little tainted by the cult of personality, but still any human being with a conscience, however mutated it may be, realizes how ludicrous this is. The man is clearly insane. Have you seen Nicole Kidman???

This is wrong on so many levels it’s hard to talk about. It’s not even polite. L. Ron Hubbard is a SCIENCE FICTION writer. I may not believe that a book written after the fact can be considered prophecy either, but Battlefield Earth is not Revelations.

Time will tell if Tommy Boy has the stuff to last for thousands of years. I won’t be around for it of course, but maybe I’ll get lucky and be there for the whole crucifixion thing. It’ll probably be on Oprah.

Actually, the bowls suck. How can the Buckeyes have 51 days between their last regular season game and the “National Championship Game”? That right there is ridiculous. Now I understand that these are *students* and their *grades* will suffer if they play more football. Bullshit. These are paid athletes that are only in the fricking game because the NFL (no fun league) won’t let them play for 3 years after high school. Sure, they don’t have an NFL body and all that, the ONLY good argument by the way, but it’s not like they’re actually taking any of these classes, excluding Stanford players, my apologies John Lynch.

Let’s have a playoff series. Even if it’s only 4 teams in the playoffs – but I’d rather see more. How about 8 bowl games then semifinals and finals. Lots of money, plenty of TV, everybody wins. Crap, the coaches are getting 2 million, maybe they can wait 2 weeks to go on vacation. Everyone knows that it’s all about football and money, not educating our youth. Education is for those that can’t play football.

Besides the obvious money, who wouldn’t want to see Boise State and Florida play? That would most likely be a hell of a lot of fun.

So screw the BCS.

Hank Aaron. Babe Ruth. Barry Bonds. He's got a good name. He's got a great swing. He's an asshole. If only Barry Bonds could learn a few things from his predecessors, maybe the world would have a different attitude towards him.

I admit I didn't know much about Ruth besides his legend until my son did a book report on him. I had no idea the work (and money) Ruth put in to help underpriveleged children. He took it upon himself to help the school he went to as a boy and almost singlehandedly paid to have it rebuilt when it was destroyed by fire. Sure the guy knew how to party, and he did that very well too, but he recognized the role he had. He didn't have to sign autographs but he did…always. He especially didn't have to like the media. We all know about NY and it's infamous media, but Ruth embraced them. It's hard to write something bad about a guy who just bought you dinner and all the drinks you can handle.

Maybe Barry could learn something? If he could just stop with the mood swings and answer a few questions civilly (oh wait, aren't mood swings a symptom of something…) maybe the writers would be more inclined to attribute his back pimples as "oily skin" or the size of his freakin head as "maturity". Come on, lots of people put on 80+ pounds after they turn 35 but it's usually not in your freakin head! Just quit being a jerk, and start kissing some media ass you moron. Just because the SF media gloss over your inablity to make a catch in the outfield, doesn't mean no one noticed. The fans deserve more. 714 is a HUGE number. It's also a huge responsibility. We all know the clear and the cream wasn't a mistake, and it was done with full knowledge of the repercussions. It's a tough game, and it's incredibly tough to perform at that level for that long. But let's get serious. The fans aren't complete idiots, at least not ALL of them.

Now I get it. The BlackBerry prayer. Most of us have laughed at the ubergeeks with their BlackBerry's checking their email at all times and in all places. I mean, who cares about their email when they're out on a hike or watching a hockey game? It's all about trying to be important, those of us have-nots like to say. Look at that guy, he thinks he's so cool.

Come to find out, he is cool. The blackberry is surprisingly functional. I've just received my first one, a Verizon 7130e. It's complete with tethering option to become a full-fledged broadband modem for my laptop. Yep, broadband. Well, in certain select cities… Still, it has Internet access and email. Oh yeah, it's also a phone. But really who cares if it's a phone? Well I do for one. When the first PDA phones came out, you'd see people holding what appeared to be books to their head and talking. At least the bluetooth headset came along. Now the 7130e actually is close to a phone in looks as well as function. Maybe it's missing voice activated dialing, but let's not get too picky.

So why would your average user need to check their email before they go to bed, on the way to work, and pretty much everywhere else? Well, they don't. But they still will with one of these babies. There's some kind of strange euphoria when you can delete spam from the parking lot of your work before you go in. You KNOW your inbox will be clean so you can go get that cup of coffee first.

It's an addiction, no doubt about it. It's also one of the first ones to get it right.

This blog is written by a guest writer, "The Juggler".
Take a load off…

I had to do a bit of quick web research last night, which resulted in some surprising results. At the risk of alienating some people (but only the irresponsible ones), I’m going to share a bit of wisdom.

Here's my wacky little suggestion: PICK UP AFTER YOUR #%&*@# DOG! 

We live next to a huge park with an equally-huge, specifically-designed dog area.  And let me be specific… we’re not talking a concrete dog-run here… this little “dog area” is double gated with multiple fenced-off grassed areas and a HUGE circular dog-run complete with wading pools, fake fire hydrants, tunnels and hills, all surrounded by a little sidewalk with shaded benches. It's basically the equivalent of McDonald's playland for dogs.  I believe there are even dispensers of little plastic bags to make it ALL too convenient to – pardon the pun – pick up your sh*t. 

Which brings me to the point…

I love dogs as much as the next guy… but with all this doggy splendor, I find myself now dodging little (and big) doggie droppings all around the park- from the HUMAN footpath around the soccer field to every surrounding grassy area in the park- including the greenbelt pathway along the small river and most recently…my front yard. 

That’s where I really draw the line.

 Come on people… I suppose you don't want to be stepping in it yourself or trying to make the dead spots grow in your own yard?  Nice.

I've fantasized about what I would do in catching one of these irresponsible asshats letting fido or fluffy drop a load on the footpath (and not NEAR the footpath… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONCRETE FOOTPATH).  Would I chicken out and pretend I didn’t’ notice? Would I stop and tell them exactly where they could put that stuff?  Would I follow them home and ring the bell, happily returning the steaming belongings they must have "dropped" in the park? 

As I sat by my front window on sentry duty last night, I searched online for solutions.  I've got to say, they ranged from the worst revenge (a band of neighbors who saved another's dog's droppings in a water-filled bucket for a week and gave them back to her all in one, big, messy, stinking night) to the homicidal (shoot the dog, shot the owner, shoot both) to the crazy (catapults, "potato" guns, and dog laxatives) and finally the humane and sensible (actual products that repel dogs, and some easily homemade concoctions).

As I flung the front-yard droppings and plenty of expletives into the garbage, I dreamed of crazy revenge; but, in the end, I think I may opt for trying some of the cayenne-based potions.  Either that, or I'm going to follow you home and God help me, I’m going to do on your lawn what your dog did to mine.

You drop it, you pick it up… or I’m going to help you learn some manners.

Obviously I think Scientology is a cult. 

http://jeepers.wordpress.com/2006/04/18/sciencetology/

Or at least a feeble attempt at Greek Society outside of college maybe?  Anyway, Tom Cruise has got to be the biggest moron of the group.  It's really too bad because Risky Business was good.  Clearly before the Scientology thing.  Anyway, he has had his new baby with his prisoner/wife.  Unfortunately his corrupted mind couldn't quite figure out the meaning of her name.

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/410817p-347450c.html

It's hard to believe I'm saying this but let's hope Suri gets Katie's intelligence…

When you call me for technical support, please listen. There is nothing worse than me walking you through whatever process we happen to be talking about and you not giving me all the information, or just randomly clicking like a spastic colon. I particularly get annoyed when I ask what the prompt currently says and you pick and choose which words to tell me. Granted you're not technically lying, but when you read "THANK YOU for deleting all of your system files. PLEASE CLICK OK to permanently remove them" as "Thank you. Please Click OK." I'm screwed. Now YOU have hosed your computer and you're going to blame ME. Also, when I say click on the download button and you click 15-20 times on any random link on the page, it's not OK. It truly sucks. I really try to have patience, but if you're too stupid to work a computer my patience isn't going to help.

I guess it's hard to justify asking you to be sensible when you're paying me, and you're right. After all the more you screw up the more money I make. I just need to try to get over changing attitudes and just keep cashing the checks.