Jazz Beat Lakers!!!

Yeah, not exactly.  So this is what happens when you bring back your “superstar” from an “injury” huh?  I really used to like Boozer.  I mean who wouldn’t want a Utah jersey with Boozer on the back???  I know I would!  But his injury was a freaking joke, then he brings the teams defense down to his level.  The best thing that can happen is to opt out of the contract Carlos.

Carlos aside, there is no chance the Jazz beat the Lakers.  All they needed was one more win and they could have played the Nuggets.  Maybe this is for the best as no one expects them to win?  And all of those lucky fans get to see Kobe at the ESA.  Speaking of, I hate Laker fans.  No real reason, just do.  Sort of like Steeler fans.  Any idiot can root for a winner, but it takes a MAN to root for a loser.  Believe me, I know…

Browns Suck

News flash!  The Browns Suck!  Oh, that’s right, they always suck. 

Years ago, there was a young fella named Tim Couch.  All the potential in the world thrown behind an awful offensive line.  So everyone wanted the backup, Kelly Holcomb to play.  Well, Timmy got injured so Holcomb was going in…and the crowd cheered while Timmy was laying on the field.  It’s rough in that stadium sure, and drunk, but you’d think people would cheer Kelly, not boo Tim.  The good news is that all of those loyal Dawg fans learned their lesson and would continue to root and support their team in a positive way.

Up until Sunday afternoon.  Derek Anderson, who happens to suck also, was laying there on the field clutching his knee when those loyal fans started cheering.  I’m pretty sure they weren’t cheering for Dorsey.  Now I know as much as the next Browns fan that Quinn is going to be the guy.  For good or bad, it’s going to be his team, but can anyone actually cheer finishing this season with Dorsey at the helm?  The guy was a college stud but so was Ryan Leaf.  He’s a great third quarterback and Derek is a good second quarterback.  Who would you rather have on the field???

I wonder how long it will be before Quinn wakes up on the field to hear the crowd cheering?  Hopefully a very, very long time.

Tommy H. Christ

So my boy Tom Cruise is being called Jesus. What a freaking joke. It’s pretty obvious that my short stint at Scientology for Sex left me a little tainted by the cult of personality, but still any human being with a conscience, however mutated it may be, realizes how ludicrous this is. The man is clearly insane. Have you seen Nicole Kidman???

This is wrong on so many levels it’s hard to talk about. It’s not even polite. L. Ron Hubbard is a SCIENCE FICTION writer. I may not believe that a book written after the fact can be considered prophecy either, but Battlefield Earth is not Revelations.

Time will tell if Tommy Boy has the stuff to last for thousands of years. I won’t be around for it of course, but maybe I’ll get lucky and be there for the whole crucifixion thing. It’ll probably be on Oprah.

Bring on the Bowls

Actually, the bowls suck. How can the Buckeyes have 51 days between their last regular season game and the “National Championship Game”? That right there is ridiculous. Now I understand that these are *students* and their *grades* will suffer if they play more football. Bullshit. These are paid athletes that are only in the fricking game because the NFL (no fun league) won’t let them play for 3 years after high school. Sure, they don’t have an NFL body and all that, the ONLY good argument by the way, but it’s not like they’re actually taking any of these classes, excluding Stanford players, my apologies John Lynch.

Let’s have a playoff series. Even if it’s only 4 teams in the playoffs – but I’d rather see more. How about 8 bowl games then semifinals and finals. Lots of money, plenty of TV, everybody wins. Crap, the coaches are getting 2 million, maybe they can wait 2 weeks to go on vacation. Everyone knows that it’s all about football and money, not educating our youth. Education is for those that can’t play football.

Besides the obvious money, who wouldn’t want to see Boise State and Florida play? That would most likely be a hell of a lot of fun.

So screw the BCS.

Take a load off…

This blog is written by a guest writer, "The Juggler".
Take a load off…

I had to do a bit of quick web research last night, which resulted in some surprising results. At the risk of alienating some people (but only the irresponsible ones), I’m going to share a bit of wisdom.

Here's my wacky little suggestion: PICK UP AFTER YOUR #%&*@# DOG! 

We live next to a huge park with an equally-huge, specifically-designed dog area.  And let me be specific… we’re not talking a concrete dog-run here… this little “dog area” is double gated with multiple fenced-off grassed areas and a HUGE circular dog-run complete with wading pools, fake fire hydrants, tunnels and hills, all surrounded by a little sidewalk with shaded benches. It's basically the equivalent of McDonald's playland for dogs.  I believe there are even dispensers of little plastic bags to make it ALL too convenient to – pardon the pun – pick up your sh*t. 

Which brings me to the point…

I love dogs as much as the next guy… but with all this doggy splendor, I find myself now dodging little (and big) doggie droppings all around the park- from the HUMAN footpath around the soccer field to every surrounding grassy area in the park- including the greenbelt pathway along the small river and most recently…my front yard. 

That’s where I really draw the line.

 Come on people… I suppose you don't want to be stepping in it yourself or trying to make the dead spots grow in your own yard?  Nice.

I've fantasized about what I would do in catching one of these irresponsible asshats letting fido or fluffy drop a load on the footpath (and not NEAR the footpath… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONCRETE FOOTPATH).  Would I chicken out and pretend I didn’t’ notice? Would I stop and tell them exactly where they could put that stuff?  Would I follow them home and ring the bell, happily returning the steaming belongings they must have "dropped" in the park? 

As I sat by my front window on sentry duty last night, I searched online for solutions.  I've got to say, they ranged from the worst revenge (a band of neighbors who saved another's dog's droppings in a water-filled bucket for a week and gave them back to her all in one, big, messy, stinking night) to the homicidal (shoot the dog, shot the owner, shoot both) to the crazy (catapults, "potato" guns, and dog laxatives) and finally the humane and sensible (actual products that repel dogs, and some easily homemade concoctions).

As I flung the front-yard droppings and plenty of expletives into the garbage, I dreamed of crazy revenge; but, in the end, I think I may opt for trying some of the cayenne-based potions.  Either that, or I'm going to follow you home and God help me, I’m going to do on your lawn what your dog did to mine.

You drop it, you pick it up… or I’m going to help you learn some manners.