Take a load off…

This blog is written by a guest writer, "The Juggler".
Take a load off…

I had to do a bit of quick web research last night, which resulted in some surprising results. At the risk of alienating some people (but only the irresponsible ones), I’m going to share a bit of wisdom.

Here's my wacky little suggestion: PICK UP AFTER YOUR #%&*@# DOG! 

We live next to a huge park with an equally-huge, specifically-designed dog area.  And let me be specific… we’re not talking a concrete dog-run here… this little “dog area” is double gated with multiple fenced-off grassed areas and a HUGE circular dog-run complete with wading pools, fake fire hydrants, tunnels and hills, all surrounded by a little sidewalk with shaded benches. It's basically the equivalent of McDonald's playland for dogs.  I believe there are even dispensers of little plastic bags to make it ALL too convenient to – pardon the pun – pick up your sh*t. 

Which brings me to the point…

I love dogs as much as the next guy… but with all this doggy splendor, I find myself now dodging little (and big) doggie droppings all around the park- from the HUMAN footpath around the soccer field to every surrounding grassy area in the park- including the greenbelt pathway along the small river and most recently…my front yard. 

That’s where I really draw the line.

 Come on people… I suppose you don't want to be stepping in it yourself or trying to make the dead spots grow in your own yard?  Nice.

I've fantasized about what I would do in catching one of these irresponsible asshats letting fido or fluffy drop a load on the footpath (and not NEAR the footpath… IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONCRETE FOOTPATH).  Would I chicken out and pretend I didn’t’ notice? Would I stop and tell them exactly where they could put that stuff?  Would I follow them home and ring the bell, happily returning the steaming belongings they must have "dropped" in the park? 

As I sat by my front window on sentry duty last night, I searched online for solutions.  I've got to say, they ranged from the worst revenge (a band of neighbors who saved another's dog's droppings in a water-filled bucket for a week and gave them back to her all in one, big, messy, stinking night) to the homicidal (shoot the dog, shot the owner, shoot both) to the crazy (catapults, "potato" guns, and dog laxatives) and finally the humane and sensible (actual products that repel dogs, and some easily homemade concoctions).

As I flung the front-yard droppings and plenty of expletives into the garbage, I dreamed of crazy revenge; but, in the end, I think I may opt for trying some of the cayenne-based potions.  Either that, or I'm going to follow you home and God help me, I’m going to do on your lawn what your dog did to mine.

You drop it, you pick it up… or I’m going to help you learn some manners.

Tom Cruise – Mission Moron

Obviously I think Scientology is a cult. 

http://jeepers.wordpress.com/2006/04/18/sciencetology/

Or at least a feeble attempt at Greek Society outside of college maybe?  Anyway, Tom Cruise has got to be the biggest moron of the group.  It's really too bad because Risky Business was good.  Clearly before the Scientology thing.  Anyway, he has had his new baby with his prisoner/wife.  Unfortunately his corrupted mind couldn't quite figure out the meaning of her name.

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/410817p-347450c.html

It's hard to believe I'm saying this but let's hope Suri gets Katie's intelligence…

Please step away from the mouse.

When you call me for technical support, please listen. There is nothing worse than me walking you through whatever process we happen to be talking about and you not giving me all the information, or just randomly clicking like a spastic colon. I particularly get annoyed when I ask what the prompt currently says and you pick and choose which words to tell me. Granted you're not technically lying, but when you read "THANK YOU for deleting all of your system files. PLEASE CLICK OK to permanently remove them" as "Thank you. Please Click OK." I'm screwed. Now YOU have hosed your computer and you're going to blame ME. Also, when I say click on the download button and you click 15-20 times on any random link on the page, it's not OK. It truly sucks. I really try to have patience, but if you're too stupid to work a computer my patience isn't going to help.

I guess it's hard to justify asking you to be sensible when you're paying me, and you're right. After all the more you screw up the more money I make. I just need to try to get over changing attitudes and just keep cashing the checks.

Windows Vista

I recently went to a Windows Vista seminar, and have installed the current Beta. I think I like it, but it's pretty amazing that a Sempron 3000 with 1GB RAM and a 128MB video card ranked a 1 for performance. As a business OS, I'm not buying it…yet. Basically the functions of Aero, the graphical component of Vista, dynamically recognizes your hardware and adjusts it's performance accordingly. Very cool indeed. Of course our test machine ranked so poorly we couldn't even test any of the cool graphical components. We did install a 6600GT video card and jumped all the way to a 2. A few things did in fact change, but not much.

The seminar was more interesting. We were able to see some of the new features including using a USB flash drive for a swap drive. Nice. Everything was very pretty. How sweet. I just can't imagine the immense cost in migrating any medium sized business over to Vista. We have about 115 machines on site. The average user runs Outlook, Word and Internet Explorer. Throwing a $2000 gaming rig on their desks just isn't practical. Particularly for the advantages of cool graphics. Let's face it, they could be running Notepad and be just as productive.

Oh yeah, the MS rep recommended that everyone buy Vista Ultimate. Of course it's the most expensive of the 7 versions, but why wouldn't you want the best? At least it'll look really pretty while loading up Notepad.

I'm glad Vista has been delayed, it allows me to put off recommending not using it a little while longer.

Idiots

I've decided to vent on some work issues that have cropped up…

First, learn how to spell. There's a sign up sheet in the break room right now and someone is bringing "condoments" to a baby shower. Now that is flat out funny. The problem is no one is getting it. Come on, when there's that kind of humor just waiting out there you need to jump on it!

One more thing, learn how to park. Those yellow lines are there for a reason. I already know you're super cool, you don't have to back in your POS $8,000 ride. My ride sucks and I park nose first. I'm a realist. Next time I'm going to see just how close I can get to your drivers door. I'm not really worried about you denting it, how would I know?